Eavesdropping Forensics: Fantasy Edition


As someone who likes to call himself a writer, I like to do writing exercises. One of my favorites that I learned while getting my useless English Degree was to watch strangers.

That may need some explaining. You are supposed to go out in public and observe how normal people act and converse. This way your characters can act and talk normally. It was one of my favorite things to do because I liked to come up with the most outlandish scenarios I could, like an amalgam of Sherlock Holmes and Don Quixote. So, with all of that said, I am going to make this a regular series. Here goes nothing:

*PSA: The following is completely fiction and is in no way is real. Any relation to real people and events are completely coincidental*

white yacht on running on blue body of water during daytime

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So for this edition I decided to do something completely different. I went fantastical. I eavesdropped on my own Dungeons and Dragons group. I run a D&D campaign for some friends and I recorded the last session. I thought what a great opportunity, I am going to listen to a random section of the roleplay and write what I think the scene is about, as if I knew nothing about what is actually going on. Here we go:

The Scene:

A group of adventurers charter a magical yacht to an island for a quest. During the long boat ride the group pulls out a small bag of magic mushrooms and take them. They are just coming down from the “trip” when the scene takes place. There is a tabaxi (cat humanoid), a human woman, a half-orc (human orc hybrid), and a halfling with a tattoo on her arm. There is also a bored Pixie hanging out on the bow of the ship.

What happens:

The Tabaxi is currently comforting the human woman, her drug trip apparently did not go well. She is saying “Don’t worry, I can turn into a dragon. I have the formula. I am beautiful and white and very powerful.”

Most of the group seems to be happy. There are three of them giggling with large pupils, I am pretty sure they are the ones that took the drugs. The half-orc is amused but not to the extent of the others.

They hear singing at the front of the ship. The “sober” half-orc confirms that it is not just the drugs and that he hears the singing as well. The halfling and the half-orc go to investigate. The halfling says loudly, “Who is it?! I can hear the stars.” The half-orc tells her to go back inside. She mentions that the angels are singing to her.

The half-orc finds a pixie. Does not seem surprised. Pixie says she was bored and the half-orc goes back inside to continue drinking.

The clues:

  • Drugs and drinking
  • On a magical yacht
  • Cat person can turn into a dragon
  • woman had bad trip, comforted by cat-man dragon
  • Singing on the front of the ship by bored pixie
  • half-orc knows the pixie
  • halfling hears the pixie but does not see her

Analysis:

Wow, there is a lot to unpack here. Obviously this is some sort of pleasure cruise. Possibly a groupon type of deal. Drugs are taken, maybe because they are in international waters? Must be more than 11 miles off shore.

The cat person can TURN INTO A FUCKING DRAGON! This cat person talked of a formula. My guess is that this means the cat person has gained some mystical knowledge (the formula) and now is unspeakably powerful. The woman has had a bad mushroom trip but is completely safe now that she has a cat/man/dragon by her side. That would comfort me for sure.

They hear singing at the front of the ship. The pixie did not join in the festivities, not about that drug life. My guess is that she must keep her mind sharp. There is a reason that she can not let herself get inebriated.

The halfling cannot see her and is still tripping hard. I mean angels? Come on, this is real life. Angels don’t exist. The half-orc is the only one that can see the pixie. I don’t know if this is a property of the pixie or something else but I have a theory.

Conclusion:

These people do seem to know one another. Considering none of them seem too young, this is a college reunion. One of them found a deal on groupon and they took a pleasure cruise to reconnect. The cruise took a turn to the mushroom kingdom when one of them decided to relive their youth and introduce some drugs. This must have been the halfling as she seemed to have the best time on the hallucinogens. Probably a habitual user back in her day. I mean, I get it; she is in a steady job, has a significant other, has kids, spends time on the PTA. Life has become too routine so she thinks, “pleasure cruise? lets get fucked up!”

The cat humanoid has tapped into some latent powers that they were not previously aware of and is now dealing with the fact that they are a god. Sometimes drugs have unintended consequences. He must now comfort his friend that did not develop unspeakable powers while under the influence. I assume this must be due to unresolved jealousy between the two that the cat/human/dragon/god is not aware of.

The half-orc can see the pixie and no one else seems to notice. He is one of the only ones that did not take any drugs, so this seems strange. There is really only one possibility, he is breaking up with his imaginary fey girlfriend. He can see that there is no future with his make-believe pixie girlfriend and does not know how to handle it. He wants to move on but is afraid to break her poor fictional heart. He simply goes back to drinking, unable to do what he knows he has to do. I hope he can find the courage to move on with his life and find someone who will treat him right.

CASE CLOSED

Anyway, thank you for reading and if you like this post I plan on posting these on every Thursday, so keep a look out. Please feel free to check out my new website design and some of my other posts. Likes and shares are always appreciated.

~Chris Joy

Categories: Eavesdropping Forensics, Fiction, HumorTags: , , , , , ,

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